The Escapist

kalebtrevelyan:

thelovelyblark-barg:

clareironbrook:

kurasumii:

starry-nightengale:

kurasumii:

bolto:

why did the cake is a lie become the like most quoted portal thing when literally everything glados said was funnier 

“Look, we both said a lot of things that *you’re* going to regret.”

“Maybe you should marry that thing since you love it so much. Do you want to marry it. WELL I WONT LET YOU. how does that feel?”

“Nice job breaking it, hero”

“Look at you. sailing through the air majestically. Like an eagle…piloting a blimp”

Like this bitch had a goldmine of good lines

“Maybe after you finish this test, I’ll let you take the elevator all the way up to the break room… and I’ll tell you about the time I saw the deer again.”

“It’s a mystery I’ll have to solve later. By myself. Because you’ll be dead.”

“Did you know that people with guilty consciences are more easily startled by loud noise– * really loud ass train horn* “I’m sorry, I don’t know why that went off. Anyway, just an interesting science fact.“ 

“Well done. Here come the test results: You are a horrible person. I’m serious, that’s what it says: A horrible person. We weren’t even testing for that.”

“Don’t let that ‘horrible person’ thing discourage you. It’s just a data point. If it makes you feel any better, science has now validated your birth mother’s decision to abandon you on a doorstep.”

”Remember before when I was talking about smelly garbage standing around being useless? That was a metaphor. I was actually talking about you. And I’m sorry. You didn’t react at the time, so I was worried it sailed right over your head. Which would have made this apology seem insane. That’s why I had to call you garbage a second time just now.“

“Wait. This next test DOES require some explanation. Let me give you the fast version- [unintelligible] There. If you have any questions, just remember what I said in slow motion. Test on your own recognizance, I’ll be right back.”

“This next test involves turrets. You remember them, right? They’re the pale spherical things that are full of bullets. Oh wait. That’s you in five seconds. Good luck.”

“That jumpsuit you’re wearing looks stupid. That’s not me talking, it’s right here in your file. On other people it looks fine, but right here a scientist has noted that on you it looks stupid. Well, what does a neck-bearded old engineer know about fashion? He probably - Oh, wait. It’s a she. Still, what does she know? Oh wait, it says she has a medical degree. In fashion! From France!”

“Oh, hi. How are you holding up? Because I’m a POTATO.”

”Remember, these exhibits ARE interactive. Like a children’s museum. So that means the pits of acid are filled with REAL acid. Like at a WELL FUNDED children’s museum.“

“Federal regulations require me to warn you that this next test chamber…. is looking pretty good.”

[slow clap] “Oh, good. My slow clap processor made it into this thing. So we have that.“