The Escapist

myowndeliverance:

When somebody comes out to you about their orientation, “I don’t care who you date/fuck/whatever” is the woooorst thing to say.

When I tell you I’m queer, I’m not purely telling you “oh, I am attracted to people regardless of gender”. I am also saying “hey, I grew up surrounded by homophobia that affected me” and “oh, I worry a lot about my rights being taken away” and even “oh, I’ve been subjected to harrassment and violence”.

I am telling you something about my whole life, not just my love life.

Hell, that even extends to if I follow it up with “I’m also asexual”. It doesn’t just mean “I don’t have sex”, it also means “I grew up without the expectation of a long term romantic relationship being likely for me”, and “My expectations for and the reality of my romantic life are very different and complicated”, and more. It’s the reason I have never dated anyone, and that is a part of my life beyond “doesn’t enjoy sex”!

Our orientations help position us in society whether we like it or not, they impact how we relate to ourselves and others, they impact our likely life experiences. I don’t care that you don’t care that I’d date girls boys and everyone else too, or that I don’t look for sex in a relationship. That’s not what I’m mentioning when I say I’m a queer ace.