Exploring Emotionally Abusive Relationships
Characteristics of an emotionally abusive relationship include:
• Using money as a means of control
• Threatening to walk out or abandon you
• Creating fear through looks, words, threats and actions
• Destroying things (and often things you value) – either in a cold and heatless way, or in an angry outburst or fit of rage
• Using blaming, shaming, minimizing and denial to control you
• Verbally attacking and demeaning you (includes name calling, shouting at you, criticising and putting you down – especially in public)
• Attacking and putting you down in private, and acting loving and charming in public
• Minimising the abuse; acting as if you’re over-reacting and it’s “no big deal”
• Deliberately withholding approval, affirmation, affection and as a means of punishment or control The effects of living with emotional abuse include:
• A fear of being natural and spontaneous
• A loss of enthusiasm or their old joie de vive
• Insecurity related to how they coming across to others
• An inner belief that they are deeply flawed
• A loss of self-confidence and self esteem
• Growing self-doubt (so they’re afraid to make even the smallest decision, or to take on even the simplest of tasks)
• Never trusting their own judgments (as they believe that they misunderstand or misread everything)
• Having a constant critic in their head
• Feeling they should be happier and more upbeat than they are (in order to meet the approval of others)
• Feeling they’re too sensitive, and ought to “toughen up”
• Fearing they’re going crazy, or losing their mind
• A tendency to live in the future (“Everything will be OK when/after ….”)
• A desire to break free, escape or run away
• A distrust and fear of entering into any close relationships again.
