Things I’ve actually heard college students say
- “Look how pretty my notes are!! Too bad I’ll never study them”
- “I might look fine in class but I’m dying inside"
- “I’ve never seen frozen and at this point i’m afraid to"
- “when the professor shows up I’m just gonna get up, make eye contact, and leave”
- ”shut the fuck up and eat your shitty frosted flakes”
- ”Is it acceptable to throw myself out the window after we take this exam”
- “I need more gay people in my life I’m suffocating in straights”
- ”I think I’m just gonna sleep outside and let the snow bury me until I die”
- “why the fuck would i pay 5 dollars for a grilled cheese? oh wait they’re delivering them? ok buy 3”
- “i feel like a child but i look like an adult and i think it throws a lot of people off”
- “yo look at this dog! i want this dog. this dog is straight g”
- “I got super drunk and told everyone I was a lesbian”
- “I’VE ONLY DONE ANAL TWICE OKAY”
- “instead of studying art we should MAKE ART WITH OUR BODIES”
feel free to add anything you’ve heard
•"small is too small and medium are super long, I need a smedium.“
•"I lunge when I’m excited”
•"just because I smoke doesn’t mean I’ll give you lung cancer.“
•"I am drunk and approaching this whole thing like science.”
“You know what, I’m just gonna dress up as a condom.”
“[About a cat] We’re best friends. We fight. We’ve already got banter!”
“This mango doesn’t have enough, like… Mango in it.”
“I can’t breathe and suck at the same time.”
“I feel much sicker with an armdana than with a bandana.”
“Are you using my hand to unpick your wedgie?”
“Oh, my God. Are we doing a four way?”
“I popped a tit and kicked a frisbee.”
“Me and my eyebrows are surprised.”
“Can I have a cup of tea in a mug, please?”
“Is ‘roadman’ one word?”
“I’m a sausage and bean melt!”
*about a baby crying* “It’s not really crying, it’s more of a wet squelch.”
“It’s a little two word phrase called NO!”
“Not drugs! Dragons!”
*about cameras* “I want to get one of those strap-on ones”
“I’ve never heard of Dickneck”
“Oh yeah? Well I’m… Whoever this is? I’m Samuel Johnson!”
“We’re a mess” *at least six times a day*
“I love smelling acryllic!”
“WHO’S GOT A SMELLY RUBBER!?”
*about pen colours* “Beastly Brown and Hideous Purple” “us”
“Honestly what are milkmen even doing with their lives”
“I love crying. It’s like a mutual sadness between you and your face”
“Ew you’ve got your ham fingers all over it”
